Complete Fidelity in Marriage and Roles and Responsibilities within the Family

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I have a few things I would like to share today. In a world that is ever changing, there needs to be more commitment to marriage. I saw a saying the other day that said something along the lines of "if you are in a relationship, why stay in it if marriage isn't your end goal?" That got me really thinking. It is so true! There are too many families with parent that often are cohabitant or there are sky rocketing divorce rates. Why??!?! Why can't we just make commitments? If we are serious in being committed to a relationship when we are dating we should be even more so committed in getting married or committed after marriage.

After marriage begins there is just a plethora of different things that can destroy the bonds of matrimony. Infidelity is the number one cause of problems. You may be surprised as to what may fall under that category. It doesn't matter if you actually have had sexual relations with someone else while married. It can be as small as a thought or fantasizing. If you have these thoughts, eventually every little thing can lead to larger actions. Be careful! Lead your mind to something else if you are struggling with this. If you want to fight for your marriage you will rid yourself of these thoughts. Elder Richard G. Scott once stated, "Intimate acts are forbidden by the Lord...outside of marriage because they undermine His purposes...When experienced any other way, they are against His will. They cause serious emotional and spiritual harm." What a powerful statement Elder Scott has given us. I think some of the time when a spouse seeks attention elsewhere, they are not intending to do damage to their loved one. However, the effects are extremely harmful to the other. My advice, avoid it at all costs. This will allow you to rid any temptations in your life and the harm that can come from the separation of spouses that can lead to divorce and destroy the family that was once created. 

Always be on guard. "Therapist and author Dr. Shirley Glass points out that infidelity is more about boundaries than anything else. She uses the analogy of walls and windows. In an extramarital affair, people put up walls in their own marriage and open the window to others outside the marriage. Instead, we must know how to put up appropriate walls to protect our marriages from outside influences and open the window of love and communication within our marriage (Hawkins, A. J., et al, 2012)" I couldn't have stated it any better myself. We have to make sure that we are always looking inward and focusing on what we have rather than looking outward and wondering what else is out there for us to enjoy momentarily. 

At times it can be hard but you and your spouse need to work it out. Stick together the best you can. Forgiveness can be such a powerful tool. Now, I am aware that there are such circumstances where separation is the best option but more times than not when couples separate, it could have been an issue that could easily been dealt with.

Now I want to switch gears here. I would like to discuss how much there has been a paradigm shift in the equality of partners. We are equal!!!! Men are NOT greater than women nor women greater then men! Society has this twisted idea that one sex is greater. This is not what our Lord had intended for us. Yes, we do have different roles that we play. Yes, we are different but we all are striving to work together! We all have a job to fulfill here on earth. Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin taught, "The Lord did not people the earth with a vibrant orchestra of personalities only to value the piccolos of the world. Every instrument is precious and adds to the complex beauty of the symphony. all of Heavenly Father's children are different in some degree, yet each has his own beautiful sound that adds depth and richness to the world." How beautiful is that?! We each have great individual worth. We all have potential to become something great but we must work together in our equality with our own families! There is absolutely no such thing as "man's work and women's work." In my own little family, my husband and I have a motto: "If there is a need, fill it." We always have each other's back and are continually looking out for each other. There is always room for improvement but as long as you have the goal in mind together, you are already half way there in accomplishing that goal. 

I know that I have rambled off quite a few things. I do know that this is hard work and dedication. I do know this, we will be greatly blessed, our marriages will be strengthened, and our homes will be heaven on earth if we continually strive to do our absolute best in keeping our eye on that prize. Please comment if you have any questions or thoughts! 

Hawkinds, A.J., Dollahite, D.C., Draper, T.W. (2012) Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives.

Foundational Processes for a Healthy Marriage

There are so many different aspects that go into a marriage. I think that is partially the reason why so many people stray away from it in this day and age. There are two different types of marriage. There are those who live a contractual marriage who just walk away when things get tough or they "fall out of love." In comparison. there are then those whom live a covenant marriage. Meaning, individuals covenant to one another and God that they will do all in their power to work things throughout eternity. Just think about this for a minute, which marriage would you rather be a part of?

As the The Family: A Proclamation to the Word states, "marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God...husbands and wives have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other." I underline this portion because this is the part where most people lack. So many are caught up in being so selfish. They want things done their way or they feel as if they don't have enough freedom to do what they want because of the "ball and chain" marriage is perceived to be. "Research shows that personally dedicated couples show a greater priority for the relationship, feel greater satisfaction with giving, and are less likely to seek greener material pastures" (Hawkinds, A. J., Dollahite, D. C., Draper, T. W., 2012). As married couples become more dedicated to their marriage, they will be more committed to their relationship with the one that they love and have committed to when they said "I do." 

The Lord declared, "Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else." (Doctrine and Covenants 42:22) The words "none else" eliminate everyone and everything that do not pertain to your spouse. Absolutely nothing shall interfere with the importance of the relationship you are cultivating with your spouse. No money, politics, social life, nor anything else should take precedence over this relationship. By doing so, you will be able to see such a great change in your marriage. Those things that used to seem important to you will not be as important. Your spouse and greatest companion in life will be the highest priority to you. Your love for one another will enhance tenfold and will continually grow as you seek out the best interest for one another. 

President Gordon B. Hinckley one of the past prophets in the LDS church stated, "I have witnessed much of the best and much of the worst in marriage...Faultfinding replaces praise. When we look for the worst in anyone, we will find it. But if we will concentrate on the best, that element will grow until it sparkles." This principle can be applied to many different aspects of our lives but the biggest begins with our spouse. It is vital to make sure that we are always striving to search for the good and NOT searching for faults. As we do so, we will only allow a wall to be placed up between our spouse and ourselves. I know that at times it may be hard and cannot always be perfect, but it is definitely worth the effort to strive towards.

Another point I would like to bring up is COMMUNICATION! This is SO important. I cannot stress it enough. I know that for myself and my own experiences, when I don't communicate well with my husband, things just start to fester. It goes along well with my last comment about looking for the good. As we lack to communicate, we start picking at our spouse and finding the bad to make them look more at fault for what they have done. If we had communicated in the first place we wouldn't have even been in that spot of misery and frustration with one another. I cannot stress it enough. Communication is what allows us to be more unified as one as we express how we feel with each other. Not only communication our own feelings but being a good listener and really hearing out what the other individual has to share as well. This shows a different level of respect and love for one another in doing so. 

Throughout the years we can become so comfortable with one another that we may sometimes just feel like we live in the same roof. We need to find ways to cultivate our relationships and find new and interesting ways to rekindle our love for one another. Make sure to be intentional about your relationship with your spouse and not just stumble upon it and hope for the best. Your spouse will recognize the effort that you are both putting into your marriage and it will not go unnoticed.

In conclusion, I just want to leave you with this, "If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don't expose it to the elements. You don't make it common or ordinary. If it ever become tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by." (Hawkinds, A. J., et al., 2012) As you can see, covenant marriages are just like this. I encourage all of us to reflect on these principles and hope that we can all strive to enhance our marriages with our dear spouse.

*If you are interested to hear more about the Proclamation on the Family please visit here: https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation



Hawkinds, A.J., Dollahite, D.C., Draper, T.W. (2012) Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives.